Resurrection in May

I just finished a book from the blogger book club that I am in--and it was fiction for a change. I really recommend the book, because it made me take a mirror to my own life. Resurrection in May is a novel authored by Lisa Samson.

Revolving around the main character, May, we are able to witness the transformation from frivolous, self-centered young woman to contemplative, God-loving soul. In between, May travels to Africa on a missions trip, and witnesses severe tragedy that wounds her deeply and puts her into an emotional, social, and spiritual coma for years.

Through the unassuming love of the people God puts in her path, and the beauty of a secluded farm and animals, May slowly comes back to "life."

She must choose between trying to protect her wounded heart from further sorrow and living a life that includes loving and vulnerability.

While questioning the evil that surrounded her in Africa and why it was allowed by a loving God, May chooses to give up and become a hermit. She was challenged by a loving friend, "You can't accept that. You participate in making things better. The only way we can see how
God works is when we join in."

The way I see it is that everyday I make a choice to choose life or hopelessness. Am I watching where God is working around me and joining Him, or am I living a life that revolves around my selfish endeavors?

How's Your Heart?

The word "heart" is used 75 times in the book of Proverbs. That is what Beth Moore told Hannah and me as we were working through an online study this morning.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Whether we like it or not, our heart is a wellspring, and whatever is in it will spew out constantly on our surroundings and unsuspecting 'victims.' My heart is dangerous--not only to myself, but especially to others.

Other translations of the Hebrew word translated "wellspring" are exit, boundary, source, outgoings and my favorite ISSUES. Just take a moment and substitute each of these words for wellspring in the verse above. They each speak to me in a different way--and add to my understanding.

We were challenged by this question--"How is your heart?" I had to think about that one. Who or what does my heart really belong to? In my head, I would tell you that the answer, of course, is Jesus. But what do my actions say? What does the 'spewage' (not a word--but very descriptive!) communicate?

Have I really given Him my heart--or am I still protecting it. Not really trusting God with the most precious, personal and dearest part of me. Our heart is our deepest treasure.

It is the most difficult thing for me to surrender to Him. At first glance, it may seem that it may be harder to surrender other areas in my life--children being utmost, husband, dreams, health, etc--but the reality is, that it is my heart that I am afraid will be broken. I just don't trust Him completely.

What if I surrender wholeheartedly my heart to God, and something tragic in my life occurs to those I deem most precious? Can I still trust that the God who I've given my heart to is worthy of that love-- that He will heal and bind that heart and that He is truly a good God that will work all things for my good?

I have grown leaps and bounds with that trust--and I know the right answers in my head, but I must admit I still wrestle in my heart.

I'm thinking that surrendering my heart--giving it to Him completely is not a one time shot. Maybe it's more like 're-gifting,' over and over, a million times a day, if necessary, whenever I feel it creeping and crawling, sometimes running, away from Him.

Small World

One of the greatest blessings about serving, while on a missions trip, is the change in my perspective, that inevitably happens. No longer am I able to think in sweeping generalizations, like "those African children." Those generalizations are transformed from a vague video in my mind of starving children to faces and names of individuals I have had the privilege to hug, play,laugh and worship with. Oh--what a blessing.

As I went to Kenya for the second time--the best part was to build on relationships that were started the previous year. Oh--what sweet reunions when my eyes met those eyes that I had not seen in 365 days.

The world has become a much smaller place, and in that understanding, God has continued to teach me how big He is. Stephen Curtis Chapman wrote a song entitled, "Yours" that sums it all up and wraps my thoughts in a neat, succinct package. (If that's even possible!)

I walk the streets of London
and notice in the faces passing by
something that makes me stop and listen
My heart grows heavy with the cry
Where is the hope for London
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
as I’m reminded every street in London is Yours

I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
and they’re waiting for a cure no one can find
And I hear children’s voices singing
of a God who heals and rescues and restores
and I’m reminded that every child in Africa is Yours

It’s all Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky to the depths of the ocean floor
and it’s all Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours
You’re the maker and keeper, Father and ruler of everything
It’s all Yours

I'm a processer--and I've been mulling. I'm also a procrastinator--and I've been procrastinating. So, between either the processing and/or the procrastination, I have not taken the time to notice and solidfy how God is working and how He used Kenya to change me. I need to get on that.